Tuesday, July 29, 2014

I don't even care

So I have often said that this blog will include confessionals, so here is one from yours truly.  I have spent way too much of my life trying to please others... Most of my life I have cared deeply about other people's opinions of me, from whether they liked my shirt to whether they thought I was too fat.  It really wasn't a conscious decision and had you asked me, I would have said, oh no I am my own person, I am not wrapped up in everyone's opinion.  Truth was, deep down, I was concerned.  I can remember when I was actively running and the cars would pass by I would think, "I hope they don't think I'm a joke, a pudgy boy trying to get some exercise." Also I would think "I bet these people are thinking "he needs some exercise!"

Yes, I have spent so much of my life secretly worrying about what everyone thought, until. I wish I could say I and some epiphany where I had a light shine from heaven and reveal to me how harmful my thought patterns were, but I didn't.  Actually it was just a new awareness, maybe it comes with age, maybe it comes with experience, perhaps it comes from feeling unconditional love from my wife, or maybe its all of these?  I don't know but as I was walking on a busy main st recently it occurred to me, I don't care!  I sincerely don't care!  I don't care if the people passing by are having negative thoughts toward me.  I don't care if they dislike my choice of shoes or if the shirt I am wearing clings to me and reveals my excess skin from all the weight I have lost.  I don't care!  For the first time I was just proud of myself, proud for actually getting out and moving, getting some much needed exercise.  I felt genuine appreciation and love for myself.  Wow, what a better feeling than shame, concern, or embarrassment!  

I want to let you know today it is ok being exactly as you are and feeling exactly what you feel.  I want to invite you to the place where you can embrace yourself and make changes for your sake not because of what others may or may not be saying around you.  I invite you to not care.  No matter whether your struggle is weight issues, the loss of a loved one, the grief of transition in your job or relationship, please accept yourself and what you are feeling in this moment.  I encourage you, surround yourself with friends and loved ones who love you like you should be loving yourself.  If they can't do that and they need to move on, then so be it.  Love your self to day and if others do not love you, don't even care ;)


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