Monday, February 27, 2012

Change part 2

Last time I was talking about how positive change can cause problems with the people who we are closet with in our life. Today I want to briefly discuss ways in which this can show up in our relationships. This behavior can show up in many ways but here are a couple ways:

1. Jealousy-
sometimes friends and family can be jealous of the fact that we are making
strides in our goals. This does not mean that they are not happy for us and are
not genuinely glad that we are making progress, but nonetheless jealously can
crop in and may be revealed in snide remarks. Our friends can often say things like "well, I wish we could go get milkshakes.. but I guess you can never have that again!" Ok first that statement is untrue; yes we can have milkshakes but not every day or every week!! :)

2. Fear- Often times people we care about can become fearful in the wake of our changes. Actually, I think jealousy is rooted in fear but nonetheless, our loved ones can become fearful. Perhaps we fear losing connections with the people we love? Perhaps we fear being forgotten as someone pursues new activities such as exercise and fitness. Perhaps we fear that we may be challenged to change our self??

Indeed we are all in this together, both those who are on the journey to healthy change and those who walk along side us and those who cheer us on. There are many pitfalls along the way for both us and those who encourage and stand with us. When you make big changes to your life and lifestyle it will not be easy and there will be challenges in your relationships on all fronts. Keep the course my friends I promise, it will be worth it!!

Till next time...

Monday, February 20, 2012

I wanted you to change, but how dare you change?!

Most of us who have been on the journey to better health physically, emotionally, or spiritually, have
encountered a strange phenomenon that happens along the way. Some of the very people who always seem to call for change in our lives may be the most uncomfortable with the change we make. I know that seems puzzling, but this is the case for many people. I wanted to write about this because I think it needs to be said, if not for anything else at least to talk about how common this is, even though it is unexpected. There are terms in counseling, which I will not get into, that refer to the strange dynamic in friendships, marriages, and
family relationships when change happens and the other party in the relationship has to cope with that change. Many times even though the change is good it is still change and that is something that many people struggle with, let’s
be honest most of us struggle with that right? The great Mark Twain once said;
"No one likes change but a wet baby!" :) I love this quote and how true it is!

Even though good change brings stress it is definitely worth it! I think just recognizing the fact that not everyone around us will adjust to our changes the same helps us deal with their
reactions. It doesn’t mean that our friends, colleagues and loved ones do not like our changes or would even want us to revert back. Instead, it is that their "expected" way of relating with us and experiencing us has shiftedand this will take time to readjust to. Unfortunately the time of readjusting can be painful for both the one who has changed and the one who is eye witness to the change. I said that I was going to make my blog entries shorter so I will stop here for today, but I will say more about this next time. In my next entry I will share briefly how this can show up in our relationships in a couple of ways.
Till next time...

Monday, February 13, 2012

Small success is still SUCCESS!!

OK, yes I have been in hibernation since August!! I hope that everyone is having a great winter even though her in NC, we have avoided the worst elements of winter, so far anyway. I wanted to write to you today for a couple of reasons. First, to just make a statement that yes I am still here and continue to work on my own wellness goals. Several people have asked me when was the next update coming for the blog, which is an understandable question considering the lapse of time since my last post. As with anything in life, including our own exercise and wellness goals, it is easy to find reasons for why we do or don't do the things we plan :o) I will spare the excuses and instead say thank you for your continued support and the fact that many of you actually read the blog and even know when I have or have not updated!! You are truly great friends and supporters.

Second, I wanted to say a word about health. I have been in conversations with friends lately about their own exercise routine and the fact that many are starting the journey. What I keep hearing over and over is a tone of frustration. "I cant keep up with the others" or "I cant do this exercise exactly like the instructor demonstrated." Out of this frustration there is a tendency to internalize this as negative "self talk." Before long the message we give our selves is something like this, "look at you, you cant do this, why don't you just stop, look how out of shape you are, why don't you just stop trying?!" Sound familiar, yeah I have said those things to myself as well. Here is the deal, yes you are right you are not doing the routine exactly like the instructor said, but hey you are doing a heck of a lot more than you were last week!!! Keep up the work and you will be doing a lot more than you are this week!! I encourage you don't get so caught up in what you perceive as "doing enough or doing it the right way," that you lose sight of what YOU ARE doing and the progress YOU ARE making. Let me tell you, a journey to better health is long and is frustrating at times and you will be well served to learn to celebrate all of the successes along the way, both the big and small. Stop beating yourself up and start loving yourself for making improvements that are changing your life for good! Keep sight of the long term goal and before long you will be doing things that you never imagined that you could accomplish!!!

Your fellow traveler,