Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Dance lessons?

Thought I would dust the old cobwebs off the keyboard and update the online world with my presence! ;)  Been a while since I updated the ye old blog!  I have heard it said, “Silence is golden,” but in my case its not… In my case silence is, well… silence is terrible because my silence has been indicative of my exercise and weight loss… non-existent.  The last year has been filled with great personal joys and changes in my life.  Since my last blog I changed where I worked, which took me to Charlotte, NC where I continue offering grief counseling.  This move changed more than my location, it also changed my support network.  I am not able to work with my friend and trainer, with whom I worked with to lose all of the 230 pounds I lost!  I would have never believed that after all this time and knowing what “I should do” and “how to do it,” that I would fail to exercise and keep on top of my health… but I have.  I have always said that when I write, I will be authentic.  Truth is I am struggling.  I am trying to get back on track.  There are many “reasons” that I could list for my lapse but in reality they do little to comfort me from the reality. 

So of course I am not writing today just to have confession, I am also writing because I am convinced that there are others who can relate.  I believe that others who read this have tried and failed and tried again and failed again.  No matter what the struggle, whether that be weight loss or some other personal goal, life is full of success and failure.  Indeed life is full of the “two steps forward and one back, and then two ahead again.” My point is that I don’t want to stop trying.  I will keep up the unpleasant dance of success and failure because, besides the fact that it is an awkward dance and at times painful, the song to which we move is beautiful.  This is the song of life. 

Have I gained all my weight back!?  Not by far!  I have gained some weight but that pails in comparison to what I have lost and I will struggle, fight, and scratch my way back.  This is my life long struggle.  I know that no matter how “normal” I eat that it will never be enough.  I have to watch every and I mean every calorie I consume and make sure that I am working hard with my exercise routine.  That is what I am refocusing on now.  I am finding new ways in my new reality to make it work. 

I sure hope to see you out on the dance floor!  Sure we will bump into each other, we will make wrong moves, we will even fall flat on our face from time to time!  Having said all that it is worth the effort!  This being human is hard work and despite the failures there is success and there is joy.  Perhaps it is the fact that we know great sadness that we can also know when we feel great joy?  No matter your struggle, the melody is playing, the song is beautiful, let’s dance! J

Hey it might be a while… but til next time…  ;)



Allyson Smith said...

I'm very proud of you! And will support you in every way I can! <3

tsmithnc said...

Thank you! Your support means everything!